Stains In My Heart
One of my friends complimented me a few days ago. She said, with grace of belief, ‘I absolutely adore how you can move on. How you can walk past people, have the confidence of keeping your head high and just move on.’
For a few brief seconds, I actually loved the words spoken. I thought, ‘Brava! Girl, you are strong! Pat pat!’
And then, unlike other moments of being proud after getting compliments, I was a bit sad. Just a tad bit of gloom within the heart hit me.
At that very moment, after years of neglect, I accepted how I failed to move on. How I failed to walk past things, even though I acted pretty well.
I acted to ignore the contribution once people had in my life, then they changed, or I.
I acted to not understand the love people showed to me, so that I could run away from the love they shared.
I acted to be strong, even though it was killing me inside.
It’s not easy to move on, rather act.
I had stains in my heart from many of those pins I acted to cover.
I was hurt, in my heart, from the words spoken. Acts done. Or even chains broken.
Those are the moments I chose to be silent. I stayed calm or acted shunned.
My heart echoes to cover the weakness, show the strength.
I am strong. Because my heart got my back when I was trembling inside.
I am strong because my heart held my hand when I had pouring eyes.
It’s not easy to move on, rather act. I have stains in my heart but got my back.
